Stepping In It

So this morning I went to the bathroom at work and the old retired guy who comes to our office once a week or so is in the bathroom, thereby scuttling my crapping plans. I observe him wet some paper towels and then take them into the bathroom stall with him. I then return to my office and email a buddy of mine who used to work here to make a joke that ___ must have a killer hemorrhoid and that it sucks getting old. Fast forward an hour later, and I again make the trek to the bathroom. I walk in and it smells like a chimpanzee has been living in there for 2 weeks. I use the aerosol spray can that someone mercifully brought in there a few weeks ago and start spraying. But it still stinks. I see all sorts of toilet paper on the floor in the far stall, which is where I usually like to nest, so I start to walk into the other stall. But it still stinks in there, so I decide to go back into the first stall.  I close the door, and then see that the toilet seat seems a little wet (no doubt from the wet paper towels used by the old guy), and I start thinking, it’s gross in here, I should go back to the other stall. As I turn to leave, I proceed to step in human sh!t that was concealed by the toilet paper on the floor. I reflexively wipe my shoe on the floor, totally disgusted, and then lift up my foot to see that there’s a pretty decent amount of dark brown sh!t on my shoe, embedded in the grooves, of course. I gag once, then take my shoe off and start washing it off in the sink, hoping no one comes in. I then used the aerosol spray and just kept drenching the shoe with that stuff and water. More gagging as I try to remove any remaining crap in the grooves of the shoe with a paper towel.  I finally got it clean and stink-free and, thankfully, no one came in.  The worst part? I didn’t even get to take a crap, and still have to go as of this writing. I told the secretary to call the custodial staff so hopefully it’ll be cleaned out of there soon enough. I repeat- getting old sucks.